Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
