C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
