the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
