Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
