If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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