ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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