The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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