seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize