Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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