we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize