do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
