so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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