Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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