I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
