Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
