so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
