believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
