I think my vagina is haunted
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
