i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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