Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
