the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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