You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
