fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's like heaven, but drunker
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
