Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
