That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
