hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
