Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
