I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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