i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
