We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
