3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize