u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
