i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
