You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
