i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
