i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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