haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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