the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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