dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
