i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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