No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
