Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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