she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
