you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize