The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
