Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
