dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
