I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
