dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
