When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
