what day is it and did you see me today?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
