I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
