Can Purell be used as lube?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't turn off my feet"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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