My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
