The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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