Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
