Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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