how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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