spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
