k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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