he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
