oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
