she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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