that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
