doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
