but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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