i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
