Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
