The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
