Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize