i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
