i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
