my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
