she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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