I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
