Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Slut skills are useful in every country.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
