Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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