they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
