I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
