someone get that fucking seahorse.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
