Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
