as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He felt like a one man threesome
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
