you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
