): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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