if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
