Sponge bath it is.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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