i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
